The Great Escape
Swish, swish, swish. Everything goes quiet. I quickly tuck my head under the crimson and orange vintage cotton comforter and lay my head down on the pillow that smells of dusty mothballs. Swish, swish, swish. I know that any minute, I’ll see a wrinkled hand with raised, blue-green veins mapping the fragile road to the heart grab the edge of the door and push it open. I remain as quiet and still as I’ve ever been, my eyes shut tight and the comforter over my head. Every now and then, I’ll sneak a peek by opening one eye halfway, but then I quickly shut it tight again. My heart is beating so fast that I think it’s going to burst through my chest and end up orbiting in outer space. I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared before.
Swish, swish, swish. I hear a creaking noise – that horror movie sound of rusting hinges and doors that stick. The swish, swish, swish comes to an abrupt halt, and I hear soft breathing on the other side of the door. I’m trying my hardest not to scream, and when a small “eek” of air pushes through my lips, I swiftly cup my mouth with my small, fat hand. Then, just as suddenly as it stopped – swish, swish, swish. Swish, swish, swish. I peek with one eye again, too scared to move, but excited at the same time. I can picture her holding her rosary with both hands, silently moving her knotted fingers from one hand-made Hail Mary to the next. If I listen closely, I can hear her whispering the familiar prayers of the rosary – the Glorious Mysteries.
Swish, swish, swish. I glance at the cuckoo clock on the wall. As the cuckoo chimes midnight, I watch as two small figures of a man and a woman chase each other in a perfect circle around nothing. The sight of the cuckoo clock always made me laugh, and as I watch as a ten-year-old girl, I can feel the giggles welling up in my stomach. I slap my mouth again to try to stifle the giggle, but that just makes it worse. Before I know it, my hand is covered in drool and I can’t breathe.
Swish, swish … the familiar sound fades, and I know it’s okay. Laughter erupts from the room as five small girls are overcome with uncontrollable giggles. As I pop my head out from under the covers, I see four other heads emerge from various spots in the room. One head emerges from the identical twin bed across from mine, two from the two muted pink sleeping bags on the tan tiles in between the twin beds, and one from the tree-trunk brown shag rug on the floor right in front of the dresser.
As my sister and three cousins emerge from their respective hiding places, I quietly throw the moth-bitten comforter off my tiny legs and, putting a chubby, little-girl finger to my lips, walk towards the door. The giggles fade as I poke my head into the hall and see Jesus staring back at me, letting me know that I’m being a bad girl and that I’ll need to go to confession on Sunday after church. I look both ways as I was always told, to make sure no one was coming.
“Is the coast clear?” a small voice whispers from across the room.
“Hold on,” I answer, making sure every nook and cranny is checked before I say, “Yes.”
I return to the circle on the floor. As I pick up the flashlight and illuminate the menacing smile crossing my face, I can see the looks of anticipation and dread on the little girls’ faces. Without skipping a beat, I continue the ghost story I was telling before we heard the sound of my grandmother’s infamous pink slippers.
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My father had the same pair of slippers!!
Staying up past your bedtime on a sleepover – not much can top that
I liked your misdirection!
This was charming. I remember being a young girl having sleepovers with 4 friends and waiting for my mother to go to sleep so we could stay up all night, talking about boys, laughing about boys, and eating cake and ice cream.
And ghost stories are always good!
Candice,
Welcome to #FridayFlash! And, you have a beautiful new blog. Thanks for including me on your blogroll.
This story is delightful! I was imagining all kinds of different scenarios, except where they actually were. You really kept me in suspense.
You captured the feelings of these girls very well. Didn’t it always feel like life and death as a kid, to get by with things you shouldn’t? Fun stuff!
You’ve made a great splash into the FridayFlash pool!
It has it all – wrinkled hands, blue-green veins, clocks striking midnight, rosaries (with the Glorious Mysteries) and statues of Jesus. This was a fun atmospheric read! Nice bit of misdirection too.
Oh the joys of getting away with mischief. Welcome to #fridayflash. I hope to read more of your work.
~chris
Welcome to #fridayflash! Great story – I pictured a nun coming down the hall. Laughed at the slippers and the ghoststory with a flashlight.
Thanks for including me in your blogroll!
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Laura Eno, Candice Detillier. Candice Detillier said: Here is my #fridayflash debut. Hope you like it! http://bit.ly/6XDVUV [...]
Charming slice, indeed. A nice rhythm capturing the sense and wonder many of us recall. I echo Chris’s sentiments: we want to see more in #fridayflash.
Very cute. You captured the atmosphere well.
Thanks Anne!! I’m glad you like my new blog. This story is based on my own childhood experience in growing up with 3 cousins and a sister that are all very close in age. We were trouble! And scared of my grandma! If she caught us awake, she would go and get her rosary collection and make us recite the Glorious Mysteries until we fell asleep – VERY boring!
Thanks! I’m glad you liked it! This is my first crack at flash fiction, and I’m looking forward to writing more!
You got it right, Candice, down to the handmade rosary. I felt like I was there. FYI, those slippers swished for my generation too!
Awesome story! Of course, I could picture everything perfectly. I could even see all of your little faces giggling away. Wasn’t it great to grow up in such a loving environment? I’m so glad you have good memories, and I know that Maw-Maw is smiling and very proud.
Great story!
Nice debut piece in the #fridayflash madness. Welcome. I liked it a lot. The suspense was great, and the humorous close just perfect.
~jon
Cute piece – takes me back to family get-togethers very similar. Nice job!