As the Wolf ran through the woods, he kept looking over his shoulder to be sure he wasn’t being followed. He was almost completely out of breath, hopelessly out of shape, and worried that even those podgy, grubby pigs would be able to catch up with him. It was hard work, huffing and puffing and blowing all those houses down. Especially the brick one. The straw house was the easiest, having been built by the most dim-witted pig of all who obviously knew nothing about architectural infrastructure. That third pig, though, he was smart. Damn bricks. Took him five tries, and the best he could do was make it sway a little. He really needed to start working out again. If anyone in the forest discovered that he was so out of shape, he would be done for. He couldn’t risk ruining his villainous reputation, or his father would kill him. The Wolf family had had the run of the forest for generations, and if he was the one to expose them for the inept useless dogs that they really were, his father would completely disown him.

He kept running farther away from the pigs, but he was quickly developing a splitting pain in his side. He doubled over, tripping himself in the process and falling flat on his long, pointy face. He self-consciously looked around to ensure no one was able to witness his sorry ass. He was such a failure. As he sat there contemplating his languorousness, he heard an extremely irritating, high-pitched sound coming toward him. Was that…singing? He didn’t have time to sit and decipher it, so he quickly (well, as quickly as he could) darted behind a tree to hide. His olfactory sense perked up as the smell of human flesh wafted through the air and into his nostrils. Mmm, young flesh. Female flesh. His mouth began to water and his golden eyes glazed over as he realized how hungry he was.

The high-pitched sound drifted closer, and the Wolf peeked out from behind the tree. Standing directly in front of him was a little girl of about twelve, dressed in a pretty white laced dress with ruffles on the bottom and a bright red hooded cape. Seriously? Who still wears capes these days besides Superman? Plus, that cape was so bright and so red, this kid was asking for it. Begging, even. The Wolf began to wonder if this may be a trap. Was she poison like that apple the witch had given to that Snowdrift girl? She sure was the same color.

The girl began skipping again in the direction of the witch’s house deep in the woods. Was she crazy? Didn’t she know what had happened to those other two kids that showed up at the witch’s house a few weeks ago? What were their names again? Harry and Gretchen? Something like that. Obviously, this girl either didn’t know about the witch or didn’t care, because she just kept skipping along, that ridiculous red hood flopping up and down behind her, swinging her wicker basket and singing You are My Sunshine. Was this kid for real? She was so cheesy and cliché, like something out of a fairy tale, which made the Wolf want to eat her even more.

The Wolf continued following the young girl all the way to the witch’s house, where she stopped to ring the doorbell. He watched from a nearby bush as she stood there waiting, smiling like an idiot and bobbing her head up and down to the tune of her song. When five minutes had passed by and still no one had answered, the girl knocked on the window, putting her hand up as a shield and peering through, and yelled, “Grandma? Grandma, are you in there?”

GRANDMA!?!?!? The witch was a GRANDMA? Oh, this was too good. This was WAY too good. He couldn’t wait to tell his father about this!

“Grandma! It’s me! I’m here with your lunch!” the girl yelled again, but still no one came to the door. The Wolf continued sniggering as the girl turned around on a heel and started in the direction of Rapunzel’s tower. He heard her mumble to herself, “I guess I’ll visit sister first” as she skipped past him, starting to swing that basket again and humming O, Happy Day this time. Okay, this girl just had to go.

The Wolf watched as she skipped away, and as soon as she was out of sight, he headed toward the witch’s house. He let himself in with his key and immediately began searching for a disguise. This may be his stepmother, but she had hidden this little secret from him and his father for far too long. As he started dressing himself in her nightgown, he thought, “Sorry, evil stepmother, but there are no secrets in this family. Time for me to make my father proud.”

He glanced at himself in the full length mirror, pulling on a bonnet and glasses, flashing a smile, and striking a pose. He practiced his impersonation of his stepmother, which he had mastered over the years and which had made him and his father laugh uncontrollably too many times to count. He still sounded exactly like her. The Wolf chuckled to himself as he crawled into his stepmother’s bed and waited for the red hooded girl to return with lunch.